New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
