you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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