and you said cock pushups were impossible
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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