everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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