I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
