I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
