Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
