I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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