How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
