Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
