How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
