I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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