i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
