thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
