can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
