I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
