What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
