He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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