Someone shit on the floor
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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