we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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