porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
