I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
