Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My life is pants optional.
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