apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
