Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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