My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
