oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
