can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
