I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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