some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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