Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
