i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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