party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My dick has a subreddit
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
