I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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