I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
