Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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