fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
