At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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