You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
