I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
