He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
