she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
