Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
