i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize