M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
