Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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