the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
True college students do jello shots in the library
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
