you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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