He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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