Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
