Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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