I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
