I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
