If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
