I just made out with a guy for $7.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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