I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
