I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
