There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
