remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
