Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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