I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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