theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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