he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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