there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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