I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
