I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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