There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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