he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize