Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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