My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
