I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
