did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
