eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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