you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
