you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
two words: eviction party
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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