i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
