I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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