The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can text with my tongue
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize