Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
