what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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